Make Your Own Bed (1944) – reviewed by George

I’m pretty sure that Ben Mankiewicz would agree with me: this film is too stupid to be on TCM.
Alan Hale owns a gunpowder factory and supplies the US military. Jack Carson is a private eye. They meet in jail – don’t ask. Jack and Jane Wyman go undercover in Alan’s home as butler and maid/cook to catch spies, but the spies are radio actors that Alan hired. His wife (Irene Manning) is fluttery, but determined, and her boyfriend (Robert Shayne) is also a guest in the house. Plus George Tobias is the next-door neighbor feuding with Alan. All the artificial disagreements and unfocused motivations may have read okay, but when acted out the whole thing is so silly it was a waste of a perfectly good piece of paper for me to take notes on this.
No one comes out unscathed: Jane Wyman has to make pie that looks like super-long tacos. “Well, the rhubarb the grocery sent was too long to make a round pie.”
WHAT?!
The only reason this film is mentioned here is as a warning: remember the title and NEVER waste your life, even just an hour and a half of it, watching this.

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